Feelings that aren’t feelings.

If I made a cloud diagram of my Google searches in the past couple of weeks, this would be the results (imagine a cloud):

Insomnia, palpitations, weight gain, weight loss, emotional eating, insomnia and itching, anxiety and itching, nervous ticks…etc.

WHAT the hell? I was fine, and all of a sudden I break down. One of my best friends from Louisiana came to visit me and as soon as he got here my nervous system wen to pieces. I am a master jigsaw-puzzler and I could not figure it out. I couldn’t put the pieces back together. 

Ever since his vista I’ve been slightly out of breath, not enough to worry me but enough to annoy me and worry me about a deeper cause. I’ve been scared of crowded places, which is a pretty big deal when you live in Manhattan, and I’ve been staying home more often than not. 

I even think my weird depression is affecting my dog. Stevie has been sleeping longer hours, and he has been eating less. 

The problem is that I’m not quite sure what feelings are causing this. Yes, I’m lonely. Yes, it’s the 3 year anniversary of my bachelorettehood. Yes, I’m unemployed and can’t figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. 

Well, maybe I have a reason to be sad. Several reasons. 

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